Optimizer | The Verge

This blog could help you poop better

2026-09-30T10:05:55-04:00

This is Optimizer, a weekly newsletter sent from Verge senior reviewer Victoria Song that dissects and discusses the latest gizmos and potions that swear they're going to change your life. Opt in for Optimizer here.

"I will explode your butthole with this poopmaxxer pesto," a calm Gen Z voice announced from my phone's speakers. "And don't worry, it doesn't taste like poop, unless that's what you're into … I don't know if Italians will approve of this, but it's for my … a-butt-a-hole-a!"

What followed in that video was actually a pretty good recipe. Two cups of blanched peas mixed into a fairly standard pesto recipe for a yield of 18 grams …

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It’s sinister that Meta’s Muse AI mascot is so cute

2026-09-24T11:15:42-04:00

The fireman outfit. Dead. | Photo by Sean Hollister / The Verge

Last night, I asked Blorbo - what I named my Muse AI agent - to help me set some health goals. I was underwhelmed. I'd asked for a workout regimen for a sub-30 minute 5K and regaining lost muscle. It generated an okay-ish but kind of mid weekly routine.

But then I looked at its face. Based on what it learned about me from my emails, it had morphed into cat-shaped piece of bread with a Kirby-like face. It was so stinking cute, …

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Your ‘health age’ is fake

2026-09-15T18:58:41-04:00

My villain origin story is my Whoop age. How do you age at 0.9 times your age and end up four to five years older than you are? | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge

During last week's Apple Watch announcement, I let out a distinct "Noooo!" in the Steve Jobs Theater. Along with a new readiness metric and a redesigned Health app, Apple had just announced that later this year, it'd be introducing a new longevity feature called Health Age.

This is a familiar concept in the wearable and health tech world. The idea is that if you put effort into your health and fitness, your physiological age c …

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New standards for masculinity are stacked against men’s health

2026-09-25T14:01:46-04:00

Whenever the algorithm serves up a steaming pile of looksmaxxing, I flash back to an old sketch from That Mitchell and Webb Look. An ordinary woman is told by a commercial narrator that she's "leaking, hairy, aging, overweight, and everything hurts." Women, the smug narrator says, for god's sake, sort yourselves out by buying roughly $300 of products. After a jump cut, an average man is told to shave and get drunk, guitars blari …

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Continuous glucose monitors are about to get more complicated

2026-09-02T15:43:29-04:00

The Abbot Libre Duo is the first FDA authorized 2-in-1 continuous glucose monitor. | Image: Abbott

My mom was a dramatic woman prone to overreacting. When I was a snotty teen, I told her she needed to take several chill pills. Most of the time, I was right. Back in 2004, when she was swearing in Korean and hurtling down the highway in a Honda Odyssey that had no business going 20mph over the speed limit, swerving in and out of traffic as I vomited bile into a plastic baggie, I have to admit that she was right to rush me to th …

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Your Oura Ring can’t measure what’s going on in your skull

2026-08-26T09:38:59-04:00

Sleep trackers detect sleep via a combination of motion, heart rate, and temperature sensors.

Oura's getting sued.

A recently filed class-action complaint against the smart ring maker alleges that the company has duped customers by claiming it can accurately track different sleep stages. A smart ring can't possibly do that, the suit says, because the Oura Ring doesn't directly measure your brain waves. Instead, Oura uses AI models to take advantage of "desperate consumers who struggle with their sleep … by selling fault …

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The wearable future is stuck in weird, experimental, existential limbo

2026-08-19T13:56:23-04:00

AI on the wrist is one such experimental feature.

For the past week, I've been testing the Google Pixel Watch 5. In many ways, it's a typical, modern smartwatch. In others, it feels like one part of a wearable future that's increasingly in flux. Everyone I've spoken to in wearable tech has roughly the same goal - soon, your tracker of choice will feature a helpful AI coach, "check engine" alerts that preventively flag hard-to-detect health conditions, and personalized health re …

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Wearables are getting a taste of much-needed minimalism

2026-08-19T13:55:43-04:00

Whoop has no shortage of copycats now.

During my summer vacation, I went in on the screenless wearable life. These past two weeks, I wore the Fitbit Air and the Garmin Cirqa on my right wrist. My right index finger was home to the Oura Ring 5. In my right arm, a Dexcom G7 continuous glucose monitor. If I did whip out a pair of smart glasses, I opted for the display-free Meta Glasses. The wearable data generated? A metric crapton. The number of times one of these wear …

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What I track in a day

2026-07-23T12:37:51-04:00

It’s a lot of stuff, generally. | Photo: Victoria Song / The Verge

This is Optimizer, a weekly newsletter sent from Verge senior reviewer Victoria Song that dissects and discusses the latest gizmos and potions that swear they're going to change your life. Optimizer will be taking a two-week break and will be moving to Wednesdays starting August 12th. Opt in for Optimizer here.

My For You page thinks I love "What I eat in a day" videos. Most of the time, I watch them in a bid to suss out the latest wellness fads. But they can be an illuminating look into what people perceive to be healthy (or less-than-healthy) eating habits - even if a portion of them are likely faked for clout. In the same vein, I've gott …

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The manosphere’s testosterone obsession reaches the highest levels of US military

2026-07-17T14:33:50-04:00

The Secretary of the High-T Department of War. | Photo: Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

I was in the middle of writing a different Optimizer column this week when I learned that Pete Hegseth is getting ready to roid out America's armed forces.

The announcement came in an X post, because of course it did. "The High-T Department of War," the post read. There was a two-minute, 30-second video underneath. As I hit play, my soul morphed into that meme of a screaming, crying cat.

"We have a sacred duty to maintain t …

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